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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28019472">tis the damn season</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalbridges/pseuds/petalbridges'>petalbridges</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Growing Apart, M/M, Post-Timeskip, ambiguous ending if you squint, im sorry, inspired by evermore lmao, minor implied homophobia, thanks taylor for making me think of my ex at midnight on a thursday</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:02:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28019472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalbridges/pseuds/petalbridges</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They both probably knew that he’d leave eventually, because he’d long outgrown the confines of this town. Takahiro had always felt guilty about it (<i>I’m sorry, I’m not leaving you, I promise</i>) and Issei’s answer was always the same (<i>It’s alright. Don’t let me tie you down</i>).</p><p>hanamaki goes <i>home</i> for the holidays.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tis the damn season</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>[does another fic insp by a song] what's up yall, i'm that bitch, been that bitch still that bitch</p><p>SO! EVERMORE, HUH?<br/>i listened to tis the damn season and straight up was not having a good time haha so, yknow, [gestures vaguely] this happened</p><p>cw for minor implied homophobia/internalised homophobia</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They both probably knew that he’d leave eventually, because he’d long outgrown the confines of this town. Takahiro had always felt guilty about it (<em>I’m sorry, I’m not leaving you, I promise) </em> and Issei’s answer was always the same (<em>I</em><em>t’s alright. Don’t let me tie you down). </em></p><p>And so after they graduate high school, they spend the summer together. It’s a countdown in the back of their heads, that this’ll be over soon - but between sneaking around school and behind their parents’ backs and dancing around their own inhibitions about love, it was really nothing they hadn’t already done before. </p><p>So Hiro leaves in August with half a job lined up and a couch to crash on until his lease starts for a shitty one-bedroom that’s half a block away from the university he’s looking into, but isn’t quite ready to commit to yet. Issei isn’t there when he leaves because Hiro told him he didn’t need to be, they’d already said their goodbyes (<em>f</em><em>or now </em>, he reminds him), but he texts him throughout the train ride about nothing and everything, just like their conversations usually are. Easy.</p><p>Issei gets pictures of the new apartment. He sees the photo of them sitting on the desk, the little trinkets he’s gifted him over the years spread out next to the lamp, and maybe he tears up a little when Hiro says it’s like having a little bit of him there too. Issei’s busy with his job during the day but he checks his phone at lunch and responds to all of Hiro’s little messages throughout the day, and at night they talk for long hours on their walks back home. Hiro starts associating the sunset and the quiet coolness of fall with the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. </p><p>Hiro leaves the first job. The second one, too. He has others on the backburner, so it’s fine, and he insists that the change is good for him. Issei tells him about long days at the funeral home, about how much he loves his job. Hiro is really, truly glad for him. He’s thankful that all the things they lived through together before this made way for both of them to grow up. They’re different now. </p><p>Hiro’s new friends notice. The way he checks his phone at any free moment, the little smile he gets, and they don’t have the heart to tell him the behavior is almost compulsive at this point. Obsessive, even. <em>It’s fine,</em> he insists, <em>this is just the only thing we have right now. </em></p><p>Issei asks when’ll be the next time he’s home. He says that he’s visiting his family in a couple weeks (<em>and that includes you too, because you’re home as much as they are). </em>He’ll make time for him, he promises. Instead, the long weekend he has with them flies by and he gets caught up with his little sibling and he has to cancel the coffee date they have planned. </p><p>He apologizes, ‘cause once again it’s his fault, he’s the one who left in the first place, and even when Issei insists that it’s fine, this isn’t just him, it’s the both of them (<em>and if I couldn’t do it I’d leave) </em>, he still carries that guilt in his gut. </p><p>(<em>You promise? If you were tired of this, you wouldn’t do it anymore? </em>)</p><p>(And the answer is always <em> Yeah, promise.</em>)</p><p>(It only makes him feel a little surer.)</p><p>Third job falls through. Fourth is alright, not great. He texts his complaints to Issei and Issei tries to fix them, every time. It’s almost infuriating. Hiro almost wishes that Issei would get angry at him, or at least get angry <em> with </em> him, at the way it feels like things fall apart. Instead he is always patient and sure and Hiro always hangs up shaky and just as upset as before. </p><p>They’re both busy. The texts slow. They check in less often, and the disappointment at the lack of notifications becomes less like a weight in his chest. It scares him, the feeling of distance through the one link they have right now. But he spends more time in the here and now, with his friends, and maybe that’s self-improvement. </p><p>They have letters, from when their parents were suspicious and the two of them were too scared to say things out loud. Hiro brought them with him, keeps them in a box under his bed. Sometimes when the days are hard he takes them out and rereads them, thinking about days in high school long gone behind them and the nostalgia of being young. He’s still young, he thinks, but he feels so much older. </p><p>Issei texts him and he’s upset. Hiro offers him the same patience that he gave him when things were tough, and Issei expresses his thankfulness. It makes him happy to know that he can help, and that he’s the one Issei goes to when he needs a shoulder. </p><p>These days, most of the texts he gets are of the upset variety. Takahiro offers his advice and Issei ignores it, coming back weeks after the fact to lament how he should’ve listened to him.</p><p><em> (Yes, you should’ve, </em>he doesn’t say)</p><p>And yet the next time he still doesn’t. </p><p>Takahiro tells him to take time off, if it’s putting undue stress on him. Issei maintains that he can’t. Eventually, Takahiro stops arguing with him. </p><p>He texts him after a terrible day at work while he walks home, feet shuffling through puddles of spring rain. Issei offers his condolences, and nearly in the same breath changes the subject to something in his own life. Takahiro frowns at his phone, doesn’t know how to respond. So he doesn’t.</p><p>(Neither does Issei)</p><p>In the morning things are more normal, their conversations easier. Stilted, mind you, a far cry from how it used to be years ago, lounging in bed on opposite sides of the neighborhood and sending each other memes back and forth until one called the other crying laughing. It’s painfully obvious how much things have changed, and today’s texts just barely brush what used to be the highlight of Takahiro’s day. When did his reaction to receiving something from Issei become <em> apathy? </em></p><p>He rereads the letters again, unpacking them carefully from their little box. Something in his chest hurts when he looks at the words written in familiar scrawl, words like <em> love </em> and <em> us </em> and <em> forever. </em> He can taste it on the tip of his tongue, but the flavor underneath is bitter. </p><p>They call once a week, if they’re lucky. </p><p><em>When are you coming home?</em> Issei asks again, when the leaves are once again turning red and purple and falling freely from the trees that line his sidewalk. Makki has on a coat and a scarf and he still feels cold. He thinks of the last time he visited his parents, when his mother asked him when he was going <b><em>back</em></b> and he said <em>I’m going </em><b><em>home</em></b><em> at the end of the week.</em> </p><p>Which one is home, now? </p><p>He tells Issei <em> soon, for the holidays, </em> and it’s not a lie. He won’t say it out loud but he desperately hopes that seeing him face to face will spark what he hasn’t felt in what seems like too long a time. He’s praying for it, actually. </p><p>Before he gets on the train, Makki pulls out the most recent letter, wishing him well in Tokyo. He folds it up without looking at any of the others, shoves them further under his bed. </p><p>He takes the train back north and knows who’s waiting on the other side. It hurts that he’s more terrified than excited. </p><p>Makki drops off his bag at his parents’ house and spends the first half of the day there, glad to be back. </p><p>Mattsun picks him up later, just like he promised. They don’t have anything in mind - they drive for a little bit, until he starts recognizing the scenery and tells Mattsun to stop the car. </p><p>He does, pulling into the abandoned parking lot without a word but obviously concerned. Once the car’s in park Makki leans over the console and kisses him, hard. </p><p>Mattsun’s confused but not opposed, and even so the kiss only lasts a few seconds, not falling into anything more, and Hanamaki makes a realization. </p><p>“What was that?” asks Matsukawa, with a smirk. </p><p>“Nothing,” says Hanamaki. “I just missed you.” </p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p> </p><p>He knows what comes next. He knows and he stays up thinking about it anyway, turning it over in his head. Looking for reasons. He’s grasping at straws and he knows it. </p><p>Sunday is the last day of his extended weekend back in town. He and Matsukawa are going to one of their siblings’ volleyball games - something they’d had planned for a month now, and he was dreading it. </p><p>He takes the day to grieve, sobs in the shower. Fidgets the entire ride to the school. </p><p>Matsukawa sees him and kisses him on the cheek, wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him closer. Hanamaki gently pushes him away. </p><p>
  <em> Can we talk? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wanted to do this in person, before I went back home.  </em>
</p><p>Matsukawa tears up. Hanamaki doesn’t, he already cried and already accepted it. Matsukawa asks who the other person is. There’s no one else. This isn’t about who it is, it’s about who it isn’t.</p><p>Hanamaki is the one who walks away first <em> (just like he did then), </em> letting go of Matsukawa’s hands and standing, not sure what to say <em> (wanting to say “I love you”, wanting even more to mean it), </em>walks back on shaky legs to meet his mom and his sister where they were waiting for him outside the gym. </p><p>“I know, honey,” his mom says softly. Hanamaki wonders how long he stayed just to prove something to her about love. He wonders if she’s secretly glad. He wonders and suddenly his sister hugs him and it’s then that he cries again and realizes that he broke two hearts tonight. </p><p> </p><p>A year later he walks past trees and smells autumn on the wind, and knows for a fact that he’s looking back with rose-colored glasses and yet it still hurts. </p><p>They don’t text anymore, really. Hanamaki talks to his other friends. If he wanted to know what Matsukawa was up to, he’d ask. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(He doesn’t)</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(He wants to)</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Will you be around for the holidays? </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im so sorry mastuhana stans i almost did this with iwaoi (projection who?) but i wouldve broke down sobbing. i love mtshn i promise</p><p>i'm on <a href="https://twitter.com/petalbridges">twitter</a></p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28107390">the misery/the stars</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/caandlelit/pseuds/caandlelit">caandlelit</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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